Posh people's conversations

Overheard last night on the tube, from two guys in three-piece pinstriped suits (with accent handkerchieves), talking extremely loudly:

posh man A: "I'm meeting with xxx tomorrow, and the thing that I am thinking is....a really good tie."

posh man B: "Ooh yes, a good stripe, perhaps"

A: "Yah, but I have no idea where we used to get them, but mine's a bit mingey"

B: "Wuf,wuf,wuuuuf."

A: "Yah, wuf wuuuf, I would love to wear a paisley, but I don't think I could carry it off"

B: "Aah, no."

A: "So, will you have a Newfoundland in New York?"

B: "Well, I would love to they are beautiful beasts, but I am thinking more on the golden retriever line now"

A: "Hmmm."

I have been wondering ever since what sort of person you have to be to carry off a paisley tie.

Lazy Days

I have been pretty lazy recently with the old blog, just putting in funny things from the newspaper, but the fact is that is the most exciting thing in my day! I now have just one day left of chemistry, and then the writing, hoorah! I have pretty much done everything I wanted to (although my goals have crept down to near-nothing as time has gone on), but I am dreading seeing Burns tomorrow. Very scared that he will say I can't leave, and how I will deal with that. I think I am going to have to bite the bullet and go and see him instead of waiting for him to call, as I want to go to the pub for lunch, and would rather not have a meeting to look forward to.

Anyway the jubilant feeling accompanying the leaving of the lab is with me.

Tomorrow I also have the excitement of going to see a preview of "Downfall", a German film I know very little about. I am looking forward to it though it looks pretty good. I am reading "The Fatherland" by Robert Harris at the moment though, so going a bit Deutsche.

Still do not have a job. There is a wine reception after a conference here on Friday though, so I will try and smooch the industry bods. Problem is, there aren't actually any jobs out there to compete for.

Anyway enough of a downer on that one. I am going to a wedding at the end of April and in the rsvp we have to put our top three disco tunes. This is a hard choice to make and is delaying the reply. What a great idea though, you can guarantee that everyone will dance!

OK got to dash to nmr.

TRUE NEWS!

More exciting updates from the Metro. This time news from America:

Postal workers stopped delivering letters to homes after being terrorised - by a chihuahua. they were too frightened to visit part of a street because of the 4lb 8oz (2.5 kg) pet, named Bobo. It was running about trying to bite people's ankles, said officers in Hobart, north-west Indiana. Florence Page, of the Hobart Humane Society said "This little chihuahua was 10 ft (3 m) tall when he was on the street." Police have cautioned Bobo's owner, but said their biggest concern was residents not getting their mail.

Artist's impression of the giant chihuahua stalking Indiana

It gets spookier...

Hang on, hang on....big cats in England, and now great white sharks?? Clearly there is a link. Only a matter of time till we find dinosaurs alive and well in Shropshire.
This from the Observer:

Simon Greenstreet was in his element. As the sun sparkled off the sea close to Ullapool, on the west coast of Scotland, the marine biologist was enjoying a productive day's diving with his wife Wendy and two friends.

Then, at 2:30pm on 4 July last year, came the sight that no one present thought possible - a triangular fin slicing the water's surface. The shark kept approaching, sliding alongside their 19ft boat. From its size to its colour to its shape to the way it nudged up to their vessel, those on board were convinced of one thing - this was a great white shark in British waters.

That same day, 600 miles away, Richard Pierce was bobbing off the Cornish coast. The 55-year-old was hoping to encounter that dorsal fin so distinct to the millions who have seen Jaws . As chairman of the Shark Trust, Pierce had set sail from Padstow that morning determined to become the first man to photograph a great white in UK waters. Years of tracking the species across the world had convinced Pierce the predator had arrived in Britain.

The last confirmed sighting of a great white in European waters was in 1997 when a female was found in the Bay of Biscay, 250 miles from Cornwall. Tagging experiments show great whites can travel 7,000 miles in three months.'They are global nomads, travelling such a distance to Britain would be nothing,' said Pierce.

Despite this appetite for globe-trotting, the last fatal shark attack in Europe was 20 years ago. The most recent shark attack in Britain was in 1996 in the North Sea. However scientists now believe more are to come.

You have been warned.

Sharks and Cats

Is it just me, or does there seem to have been a rise in shark attacks recently? Are we to believe that is independent of the rise in Big Cat sightings? I think we should be told.

On the shark note, the hilarious reports of Mark Currie's (no, not the famed and adored Blue Peter presenter and one time Bugsy Malone star... this is another one) brush with death by great white did catch my eye last week. Here are selected highlights from the Times:

The terrifying incident began when two women in the cage spotted the shark and clambered back into the safety of the boat.

But Mr Currie, from Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria, decided that as he had paid his money he would have a go, believing the cage, kept afloat by four buoys off the coast at Hermanus, must be safe. The shark began to circle before heading straight for him. Mr Currie, a salesman, thought this was normal until the fish rammed the cage and bit through the metal bars.

Mr Currie said that he thought he was either going to drown or be eaten. Realising he had to escape he climbed on the top of the cage and, as the shark started what would have been his final, fatal attack, the captain hauled him into the boat while hitting the shark over the head with a metal bar.

Mr Currie, describing the experience, said yesterday: “When it started attacking the cage I thought I would be safe as long as I stayed inside — until it started breaking through the metal. It was so weird. I think the captain was rather angry because he had to buy a new cage for the boat trips because his had sunk to the bottom of the sea." Mr Currie added: “It was a real thrill! Scary, but it hasn’t put me off swimming in the sea."

Brilliant!

The Beast, The Beast!

Important info from the Big Cat Monitors:

Never approach a big cat, especially one that is feeding or with cubs. Most big cats will try to avoid confrontation. Always give them a way to escape. Don't run. Stay calm. Hold your ground, or back away slowly. Face the cat and stand upright, but don't look at it straight in the eyes. It may take this as a challenge. Do all you can to appear larger. Grab a stick. Raise your arms. If you have small children with you, pick them up. If the cat behaves aggressively, wave your arms, shout and throw objects at it. The goal is to convince it that you are not prey and may be dangerous yourself. If attacked, fight back!

This strikes me as rather complicated; All that picking up sticks and raising your arms and grabbing children, you think your chance at life would be gone by the time you worked out what to do first!
Actually I don't feel that scared after getting a look at the actual injuries The Beast inflicted....

The Scratch

I can also bring you exciting pictures of The Copse, now as famous in Sydenham as the legendary grassy knoll...

The Copse

The Beast of Sydenham

Hoorah! It has been a good few years since someone has spotted a giant cat stalking the streets of England, but today we have reports of a black panther roaming wild in south London. Here is a classic quote from the Graun on the matter:

Billy Rich, 44, was looking out of his window at 5.30am when he saw a black creature leap across the road and bound south towards Mayow Park.

"I see a ... thing," he said.

"What's he supposed to have seen?" asked his ex-wife.

"The beast of Sydenham," your correspondent explained.

"The only beast of Sydenham is him," she replied, prodding a finger at Mr Rich.

"On the news they said it was as big as a Doberman, but it wasn't," insisted Mr Rich. "It was big and black and I thought, f****** hell, what was that?

"It definitely wasn't a pussy cat. It was too big. The way it jumped, you could tell it wasn't a dog. It definitely wasn't a fox, but it can't be a panther - where would a panther come from in Sydenham?"

Danny Bamping, the founder of the British Big Cat Society, warned that if the cat was a melanistic leopard or a black panther, it could kill. "They can be very, very dangerous," he said. "There have been incidents in North America where joggers have been killed by these creatures."

Parents said they would be keeping their children indoors. "The garden is secure but I wouldn't let my little boy Morgan go out and play today," said Kelly Wood.

"He's 19 months. I think he's quite an edible size."

Other people were sceptical. "I saw a little moggy lying in the path but that's about it," said Kim Kimberley. "I can't see it - unless he's the one from Bodmin moor and he jumped on the train and came up here."

handy guide to cats

Long may it continue...!

This article does however raise a few issues....why were they talking to Billy Rich's (great name by the way) ex-wife? Is Morgan Wood usually allowed to play outside on his own at 19 months, "edible size" or not? Who is Kim Kimberley? Is anyone else beginning to find these names a bit suspect?

Meat Sauce

Why do we have specific sauces to go with meats? Is it the same in other countries? What is a Horse Radish? Is is one word or two??

Jolly Old Morris Men

There is not enough Morris Dancing in this town for my liking. I cannot remember seeing a single Morris Man since I have lived here, and to my mind that is a disgrace. It is May Day soon and will we see them on the street? Unlikely.

Jolly Old Morris Men

Look at them!! What a great English tradition! There should be more rural jollity brought to the city. Less protests about foxes and more Morris Men I say. Perhaps a petition is in order to see that all boys are taught Morris Dancing in school.

Talking of which, when I was at school we were taught "English Country Dancing". Does that still go on in school today? It's not like it is a life skill, but it shoudl certainly be on the national curriculum.

Text Language

I have been reading a couple of other people's blogs while waiting for the old experiments, and I do not think there is anything more annoying than blogging in text language. I would have written that in text language but I can only imaging what it is...

txt lngwge?
txt lngge?
txt lngwg?

Whatever.

The point is, this is very annoying. Does this feeling prove I am not down with the kids? Possibly. But if they are all talking like that then I don't mind one bit. I really hate it when I get texts with the number eight in the middle of words (h8 it!); I am the sort of person that uses semi-colons.

The Roebuck

Just like to mention that the Roebuck really is a rather wonderful pub. I am going there on Thursday and I am mightily looking forward to it. Shame it is not a bit cheaper, and that it is so close to Arrow where I failed magnificently to get a job. I am always slightly worried that I will see someone in there that was at my interview, but that's not for here. The whole job discussion can wait for another day.....

currently listening to Kelis - Tasty

Lemon Dog

Well I must say I have put the effort in today and yet have come out with every little. This counts as a revival break and hopefully I will be well up for it again in a minute and can get back to the hood-of-doom. I have 7 days left of chemistry now and still so much to do. If I end up staying here longer than the end of the month I really will lose my mind.

Certain people really are doing my head in. I mentioned that I was doing a blog to Homey and G has been sniffing round like a little dog to find out what my identity is. It is so obvious she keeps finding little questions to come and ask me when I am at the puter, and never when I am at the hood-of-doom. She used to do this with emails and read them over my shoulder but she seems to have got over that habit.

There is a weird smell of burned cheese around the place.

Black Holes

Yesterday's Metro claimed that this picture is a photograph of a black hole in the MCG 6-30-15 galaxy. This strikes me as highly unlikely but it was in the Metro, and must therefore be true.

"photograph" of black hole

Actually the Metro is a huge source of amusement for me early in the mornings. I will endevour to bring you more TRUE NEWS from around the globe if anything catches my eye.

Rent a German

Rent a German

I am particular fan of the "surprise" package.

that's not a moon...

Can't believe the pictures of the Death Star they have found orbiting Saturn. Uncanny or what...

The Death Star

Mimas

Rumours that NASA are planning to drop a proton torpedo down a ventilation tube are rife etc. etc.

it's just so easy isn't it?

Post script: Jeremy Rifkin...

...is some sort of economist it appears from Google. This may explain his somewhat odd and sensationalist explanations of science.

Jeremy Rifkin's vital musings

Who is Jeremy Rifkin? I am sure Google may well tell me, and I might look at some point but this is an edited excerpt from an article he wrote in yesterday's Graun entitiled "Are you a man or a mouse" (additional bold text added to the most hilarious parts courtesy of atomic yoghurt):

Scientists injected human brain cells into mouse foetuses, creating a strain of mice that were approximately 1% human. A team headed by a distinguished molecular biologist, Irving Weissman, at Stanford University is considering a follow-up that would produce mice whose brains are 100% human. Weissman says that he would keep a tight rein on the mice, and if they showed any signs of humanness he would kill them. Hardly reassuring.

The first chimeric experiment occurred many years ago when scientists in Edinburgh fused a sheep and goat embryo - two unrelated animal species that are incapable of mating and producing a hybrid offspring. The resulting creature, called a geep, was born with the head of a goat and the body of a sheep.

What if human stem cells - the primordial cells that turn into the body's 200 or so cell types - were to be injected into an animal embryo and spread throughout the animal's body into every organ? Some human cells could migrate to the testes and ovaries where they could grow into human sperm and eggs. If two of the chimeric mice were to mate, they could potentially conceive a human embryo. If the human embryo were to be removed and implanted in a human womb, the resulting human baby's biological parents would have been mice.

Are we on the cusp of a biological renaissance, or sowing the seeds of our destruction?

Firstly, how come I never saw a picture of the geep? All that stuff with ears on the back of mice, and they had a sheep with the head of a goat! Secondly, how will this guy tell if the mice are showing signs of humanness? If they have 100% human brain won't they automatically be showing human behaviour?

The popular but underrated cartoon Pinky and the Brain may well have been based on this guy's research...

Jubilant

Even a meeting with Mr. Burns fails to destroy my mood today! Amazing! Obviously I spent the morning wondering what on earth to present, as clearly the chemistry gods have not smiled on me in the last fortnight, but I think I got away with it by presenting a fascinating paper...and sounding knowledgeable about the background area. I am never quite sure if I get away with this sort of blag as Burns could clearly know that I am bluffing and not let on himself.

Anyway tonight it is the great EU-funded biere night, and dispite the fact that many of my actual friends from the group will not be there I am well in the mood for it. Tried to convince everyone that we should make it fancy dress with people only allowed in if they are dressed as a European country, but no-one seems up for it. Met up with Dad for lunch as he was down in the big smoke for a meeting which was really nice actually, I haven't seen the folks for ages.

It is 28 degrees in the lab today, getting a bit over the top now considering that when it was cold outside it was freezing in here. We have turned off the heater, but there seems to be hot air coming out random places in the ceiling. Another foible of The Empire's strange grasp of technology??

The saga of the lifts

You would think that being a centre of science and technology, the Galactic Empire would be able to work some lifts. I mean, when were they invented for goodness sake. They endlessly break down. For two days now the lift to the 7th floor has been running without lights, which is bad enough, but since it has a strange habit of accelerating exponentially to the 5th floor and then juddering this is quite disturbing. The other lift sounds like it has a couple of pteradactyls nesting above it (although I notice that since the PM's visit last week the sign that had been defaced with "no pooh burgers" has been replaced).

Anyway we had to catch the other dodgy lift today and filled it to the brim as usual, but some people from the 5th floor got in too. When we stopped at the 5th floor several of the group dutifully got out to let the 5th floor-ers out, but we couldn't stop the doors closing, so several of the 7th floor boys got stuck on the 5th floor and the 5th floor lot ended up on the 7th floor. That is not funny at all, but how I laughed at the time.

What is a pooh burger?

what am I up to...

Basically saw D's blog and got all jealous and had to have one of my own. Of course my musings are terribly interesting, so I will have lots to say no doubt. As it is I don't have much to distract me from writing my thesis (except actually doing the work to go in the thesis) so this is perfect! I intend to record interesting things that people say and do to make myself laugh. And anything else that strikes me as interesting of course. This is so much easier than a real diary!

Life is a Cabaret

Quote of the day comes from The Good Life (what an excellent show)

"you are in one of your annoying 'life is a cabaret' moods"

detemined to have more life is a cabaret moods.